by Christina Dolan
Taekwondo
has influenced my life in many ways. It
has helped me in mind and in body. When
I signed up four months ago, I expected a life style change. Taekwondo has not only influenced my life, it
has become my life.
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| Chosun students meditating at Golgulsa Temple |
I grew up in a household where
perfection was expected and anything less than perfection wasn't worth
doing. It was either an all or nothing
type of lifestyle. You could only imagine
the type of pressure one might feel with this type of mentality. If I didn't get the highest grades in school,
my grandmother would ask why didn't I know whatever it was that I didn't get
correct. I had very little self
confidence because, let's face it, you are in school to learn. If I knew EVERYTHING, than I wouldn't be a
student, I'd be the teacher. Even as a
teacher, you don't know EVERYTHING.
There was so much focus on the things that I didn't do or didn't get,
there was no room to focus on what I DID accomplish or DID achieve.
This sort of "all or
nothing" mentality was devastating to my self-confidence. I was afraid to try anything because I was so
afraid of failing. I was afraid to take
chances, I was afraid to take risks, and I was afraid of disappointment. I learned as a young child that if you didn't
achieve perfection, you were a disappointment.
I began to internalize this feeling, and it carried over to
adulthood.
As an adult, I very rarely stepped out
of my comfort zone. I was afraid of
hearing my grandmothers voice saying "why?" I would not take many chances. But in 2010, a devastating accident took
everything I knew about my life and changed it.
Nothing was in my comfort zone. I
found myself lost and confused and almost everything I did, I was failing. At least that I what I thought. I entered
into a great depression.
My children started Taekwondo in
2012. Through them, I began to see that
not everything had to be as perfect as I thought. They were taught that everyone moves at their
own pace. They were encouraged to make
their own mistakes, rather than watch someone else's. Martial Arts was something out of their
comfort zone. As they continued to go to
class, they learned about courage and integrity, self control and perseverance,
and spirit. Their spirit shown brightly
with every class. After giving much
thought, I decided to join them in Taekwondo.
Taekwondo has influenced my life by
giving me self confidence. I still get
frustrated when I don't get my turns correct or when I can't get my arms and
feet to move in the right direction.
Instead of giving up when my technique isn't perfect, I want to try
harder. I will work as hard as I can to
get my form correct. The teachers and
other students are so patient with me, they never once question why. Taekwondo makes me want to try new things
WITHOUT fear.
Taekwondo influenced me to venture out
of my comfort zone. It has given me the
courage I need to block the "why isn't it perfect" out of my
head. When I do start to question
myself, I think back to my teachers and fellow students words of wisdom. They often say that it's ok if you didn't get
it the first time, or that it took many belt levels to perfect a
technique. The courage that I have building
is not just for Taekwondo, but for many others aspects of my life.
Taekwondo has been a stepping stone
for me to try new things. I recently
joined my community's fire department. I
do not know anything about firefighting, but with training and school, I am
learning. I was so scared the first time
I put on a Scott mask. I knew that I
only had 30 minutes of "breathable" air. I knew that if I let fear overcome me, I
would accelerate my breathing and that would only decrease my "breathable
air". I walked around a building
and walked up and down stairs and through windows and stairs. Slowly, other students began to lose their
air and had to leave the building. I
continued to concentrate on my breathing and sure enough, I finished the
obstacle course WITH "breathable air" flowing through.
There was a few times that I questioned
myself. I asked myself "what are
you doing? People run out of burning
buildings, and you are running in!"
I have to change that thought to "Look at what you are
accomplishing!" I may not be
perfect, and I may not have been able to crawl through a window, but I'm
getting there. I am not putting myself
down because I am not able to do something 100% right away. That change in mindset is a huge
accomplishment for me. Previously, I
would have given up, saying that it is too hard for me and if I can't do it
right, then I'm not doing it.
Taekwondo has influenced my mind as
well as body. I am able to breathe in a
controlled manner. My breathing comes in
handy when I'm having a panic attack. I
find that when I am panicking, I'm not able to control my breathing, which
often leads to hyperventilation.
Hyperventilating makes a bad situation worse. When I first joined Taekwondo, I did not like
to meditate. I understood the reason for
mediation, but for me, sitting in quiet with my eyes closed was anxiety
producing. It was hard at first, but I
kept on trying. At this point, I'm no
longer panicking, but using the skill of breathing in other areas of my life.
Mediation or at least concentrating on
my breathing was one of the reasons I was able to finish the obstacle course with
"breathable air". It helps me
when I feel anxious. Instead of
hyperventilating, I am able to slow my racing thoughts by slowing down my
breaths. It has taken a long time to get
to this point, but I have come a long way.
I still hear the discouraging voice in my head, but I try to overcome
it. I try to replace that thought with
"look at how far you've come".
Taekwondo has influenced my life in
many ways. It has given me the
confidence that I need to find new hobbies.
It has given me the courage to start over again. Through meditation I am able to control my
breathing and that will help in many other areas of my life.
