Bodan Essay by Patricia Lennon October
2015
It’s all about the journey
As soon as I became a Bodan,
I felt that I should somehow be “different”.
I was a little nervous at first – wondering “what” exactly should be different
about me. Soon, I began to notice some
changes. A small “error” in class felt
“humongous” to me! How could I do
that? I am a Bodan! Then, something kicked in. Maybe it was the beginnings of an indomitable
spirit. I responded to my error, with
tenacity and determination – I would not let a misstep throw me off. Instead, I trained harder. I was almost glad I had made a
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| Gyeongju Plains-Home of the Hwarang Warriors |
mistake, because
it gave me the opportunity to strengthen my “will”, and focus my mind. In martial arts, we are taught that our focus
needs to be in the moment, mindful and aware.
You have to move on to the next moment, the next move, maintaining the
positive energy that we call Ki. Ki is
the energy that flows through us – giving us an indomitable spirit.
As I move closer toward Black
Belt, it seems that three specific martial arts concepts seem to be unfolding
for me. They are the basic martial arts
teachings of “mindfulness”, “Ki development” and the “indomitable spirit” that
we are called to internalize during our recitation of the five tenets of
taekwondo.
Reflecting on these concepts,
it becomes clearer to me that this is a life long journey – a process, which
does not happen overnight, and which demands that I have patience - with myself,
and with the training process.
A journey requires patience, and, I believe, patience
requires courage. Therefore, I en-courage myself! I remind myself that I will be a black belt
soon! I accept the many responsibilities
that come along with this process – two of which are to train harder than I
think I can, and to show good spirit! I
know that the “good spirit” that we are encouraged to show is more than a loud kihup, or throwing hard punches, blocks and kicks.
I believe it has more to do with “taking full custody of one’s life”,
which is the journey we are on.
The journey is a personal one.
I suspect the changes in the
transition to Black Belt will be subtle, gentle stirrings -
felt subjectively, before becoming
externally apparent. We train for
ourselves, first and foremost. Not for
outward appearance or appreciation. The
journey is a personal one. Although we
train together – and we do form bonds
– we have a common purpose, and that is reason enough for such bonds to
form. We encourage each other, sincerely
and enthusiastically, passionately and compassionately – always reveling in one
another’s progress.
We are truly “team mates” and “school mates”, yet
always on our individual journeys. Like
a family, its members bound by many things - yet always and forever - walking
their own paths, learning their own lessons, in their own ways – struggling,
facing road blocks, overcoming them, mentally, physically and spiritually – challenged,
and strengthened by the challenge.
Each small hurdle overcome adds another small muscle
to one’s memory – until it becomes unforgettable – forever a part of us.
We are people on a very
similar journey - kindred souls, lovers of an art – one in which the artist
moves into - and flows with - at their own pace – an art that moves the body. I am sure dancers and yoga practitioners must
reap similar rewards. Martial Arts,
Yoga, Dance – they are all artistry in motion!
Taekwondo is an art form that
puts you in touch with your strength – your inner ki strength – and your
outward physical strength.
My authentic spirit yell
I think that finding your own
kihup, your personal, authentic spirit yell, is part of this path we are on.
When we visited Chosun
Rockland to participate in their women’s self defense class, we encouraged the
women to “kihup” when they hit the target.
I noticed that some of the women were noticeably quite uncomfortable
with yelling out the word kihup. I
understand that this, in part, could be because they’ve never done it
before. They may never have spoken the word “kihup”, no less yelled it, loudly, in front of a group
of strangers.
I remember the first time I
let out a loud kihup. Up until that day,
I had probably whispered my
kihups. As white belts, we were taught
that we needed to kihup in order to get more power into our moves, and in
addition to this, it “showed good spirit”.
And our training had much to do with “spirit”. After all, an indomitable spirit is one of the 5 tenets of Taekwondo. So I would try to kihup, but I really didn’t know how. I loved the translation of the word –
“spirit yell”. I really wanted my spirit
to yell. And I noticed that some people
had louder spirit yells than others. I
had a feeling that it didn’t matter so much how loud my kihup would be. But I still had some apprehension about it. On this particular day, I did actually kihup
quite loudly. I remember that I was
quite surprised about what had just come out of my mouth. Just then, one of the black belts that I had
been training with regularly, Master Sammy Testa, gave me a “thumbs up”, and ‘a look’ that said something like “you go
girl!”. She had witnessed my very first real kihup! I won’t forget that day.
One Buddhist teaching says –
you are already what you are seeking to become.
With this in mind, I think that the ki energy and indomitable spirit is
already in me. And that Taekwondo is a
path which can lead me to this energy, this life force.
It reminds me of the art of
photography. The photographer sees
something, and wants to savor it. It’s
already there… in its natural state. The
photographer snaps the photo… and goes back to the dark room … and develops the
film – at first it appears that there isn’t anything on the film – but slowly –
the image starts to appear – and, as if from nothing, there is it. It was always there – the photographer just
had to develop it. And so it is with my ki. And my indomitable spirit. I am slowly but surely developing these
aspects of myself – through my training.
Uncovering what is already there.
I look at Taekwondo as a true art form.
I realize it is a form of self defense – but for me, on a daily basis,
as an integral part of my life, it is also an art form. And in this way, it is much like music, or
sculpture. Artists have said that the
music, or the statue – was already there – in its entirety – the image of it
was in their mind’s eye, and they just needed to uncover it.
And so it is with my spirit
yell – not so much the actual yell that comes out of my mouth, but more, the
place where the indomitable spirit within
can find it’s voice, and express itself, authentically. The voice within that
yells out – I have trained really hard!
I am a Martial Artist! I am a
White Belt! ... a Yellow Belt!......I am a Bodan! I am a Black Belt. Finding that voice is the source of my
training -- developing my martial arts voice
- my ki - my indomitable
spirit.
The Warrior’s Path
Since I am practicing the
Eastern tradition of Taekwondo, it follows naturally to investigate some of the
philosophy at its foundation. Zen is a
basic philosophy behind the martial arts.
The Samurai warriors practiced Zen as a way of life.
“Mushin” is the essence of
Zen. It is Mindfulness. Mushin is a peaceful state of mind – one of pure mental clarity. This is the
way of the martial arts warrior. It is,
indeed, a peaceful way, and we are “defenders of the peace”.
We encounter other warriors
on the trail - humble warriors, who walk
softly on this path – ever mindful of past travelers, and future ones. In some, their “Ki” is almost visible. And when you speak with others, their
“spirits” practically yell out. It is
not the “kihup” sort of “yell” that I am
referring to, but a more subtle kind - an indomitable spirit, which has truly
developed with much hard work, perseverance, and passion for their practiced
art.
Our pilgrimage begins at the
Dojang. As with any traveler who dares
to take a road less traveled, it will not be smoothed, nor tamped down by
previous travelers, because there are relatively few.
We are all homeward
bound
warriors – and when we meet our fellow “HoBo
Warriors”, we humbly bow to one another
– out of respect, and comradery, and reverence for the noble cause that we are
all defending, and recognition of a similar spirit.
We are martial artists, we continue
to train, journeying from the dojang, to a place within ourselves, growing in
strength, developing our martial spirits, and then, journeying back again, to
the dojang, the place where we, together, strengthen our spirits. There, we
gain strength and courage, and fine tune the balance - between strength and
gentleness, courage and humility.
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